The Liar

 
I look down at the drink in my hand, a bourbon on the rocks. A drink designed to keep me drunk and blissfully unaware of my surroundings. I rattle the ice in the glass and half miss the question.

“Sorry what? Oh, no, definitely not. I mean, yes, of course there is some possibility of personal harm involved in unbeaching a sperm whale, especially if they’ve been there a while and are getting a handle on the solid ground food chain and their position in it, but the sheer awe and exhilaration involved in such an endeavor is definitely worth a few broken bones.

When you’re dealing with a creature of such power, such nobility, you almost feel like you’re communing with the universe. If, and when, you have a chance to look into the eye of an animal like that, I swear, it’s almost like looking into the eye of God.”

My focus drifts from the face of Sally, the attractive and gullible young lady in front of me. I do this when I’m bored at parties. I lie. The more bored I am, the more extravagant the lie. It’s a matter of pride if I can keep a listener believing when I’m spouting off the most outrageous bullshit you can imagine. Sally is just too easy. Too trusting. Too naïve.

“How did you get involved in something like that?”

A spark. An opportunity. Good girl. Don’t just trust anything I say. Question at least some small detail of my farce.

My mind races to find the most outrageous thing this girl will believe. How did I get involved in saving whales?:

1.    I grew up with a dolphin training family but they were attacked and killed by poachers. Now I patrol the night fighting injustice and saving cetaceans. The coast guard have a bat ray signal they shine into the sky when I am needed.
2.    I was swimming one day and I saw, underwater, a burning bed of kelp. The kelp said to me, “My name is ‘I am’ and by my decree, the whale shall be cherished. Go forth and do good.”
3.    I used to smoke PVC pipe stuffed with twinkies. It was a dark time in my life. I did things I wasn’t proud of. When I finally got clean, my sponsor told me that I should put my life in perspective and turned me onto SPERM (Saving and Protecting Errant Roaming Mammals).

“Sally, can you keep a secret? I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone before. I know I’ve only just met you, but I need someone to tell and, I know it sounds crazy, but I think, no, I feel, I can trust you.

When I was thirteen, I changed. I gained the ability to talk to sea creatures. It’s harder the more removed they are from humans. Sea slugs are damn near impossible to understand, but I feel a strong connection with whales.

Not only that, but there are others like me. We all have different abilities, which seem to manifest around puberty.  Some of us are more dangerous than others, but on the whole, we’re not that different from everyone else.”

Silence. I don’t try to read into the expressions on Sally’s face. I focus on looking relieve, unburdened.

Sally opens her mouth and whispers, “Oh my god, that’s amazing!”

Jesus Christ. My eyes wander.